A Beautiful Goodbye...HA!

Well, here we are again! Another Deployment, Another Goodbye...

I don't know why I had it in my head that this (or any) goodbye would be so staged or what someone could conceder "perfect". It is funny how our minds will create these series of events leading up to a "big moment" that you can just see play out in your head before it happens. Yes, in my head is was so beautiful and "perfect" (ahhhhhhh, barf) what was I even thinking and why would anyone care........ lol

Well yes, I started off the day making sure our outfits were somewhat color coordinated. Partly because I have some OCD issues, but mainly because I thought it would make a great last family photo before the deployment. We are all looking cute in our shades of grey with purple accents.....that is until life happened. Yes life, being my 9 month old. After dinner she barfed all over us, and when I say barf I really mean she let out an excursus vomit, all over herself, mostly me, and the couch. So there goes that photo op...and again what was I even thinking? A cute family photo, in Mt Home at drop off, AT NIGHT! Freaking idiot! We get K all cleaned up and into jammies (what's the point of getting her re dressed now?), Autumn is like "So I'll be sleeping in the car", and even though I put a clean shirt on, I'm pretty sure I had barf in my bra. So we roll out, kids in their PJ's and me in my barf bra, and were headed to the drop off.

Kamden falls asleep in the car, so immediately when we stop she is awake and crying. I get her out thinking that daddy can giver her one last hug before he leaves. She can give him one of her sweet little kisses and she will shoot him one of her little baby waves goodbye. Ahhhhhh, so perfect right?!?!?! Well its 33 degrees in Mt Home, again the baby has just woke in her car seat, and is less than thrilled. Daddy pulls the bink for a kiss and she screams.....ok that didn't work! Ok Kamden, wave bye bye to Daddy.....screams again! Well this is nice. hahahahah! Autumn doesn't really say much, just gives a big hug and tells him she loves him. She is like me, the less of a deal you make it, the less likely the water works are.

So no picture perfect goodbye. But who am I kidding, what did I really expect? Goodbyes suck, they always suck, and they will always suck. Like my buddy Tyler always tells me "What, do you think this is movie? NO, this is real life and it ain't pretty!" That is so true, this is real life, it ain't pretty, but we love it anyway.

So aside from these 2 gems of selfies that we snapped from dinner, I
got to tell my husband that I love him, that I will miss him, and me and the girls were all able to see him off. To me, that is the "perfect" goodbye.

Take care Darlin

Be Safe

Have Fun

Know that we Love you

&

Will be Missing you Everyday

I got caught......

On a Skype call last night with Jesse, we were talking about baby and the big belly, and the last Doctors appointment. He mentions:

"So, your next appointment you get to have the ultrasound to find out what it is right?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhh......You said we didn't have to find out!"

"WHAT?!?!?! No I didn't!!"

Totally Caught in a Bamboozle!!! Ahhhhhhh.

Once I had Autumn and got settled into the routine of having a new baby I realized, it really didn't matter if we knew the sex or not. Yes, I had the pink crib sheets and painted the nursery pastel purple and yellow. But at the end of the day she (as all babies do) puked and pooped on EVERYTHING! So she hung out in either a diaper wrapped in receiving blanket or white onesie for the first month. With that being said, I really wanted to experience the "gender surprise" if I ever had another.

Well, baby #2 here we go, and here is my chance. All I had to do was convince Daddy to be on board. I had to work wisely, because once he said "no way" there was no amount of winning or begging that would change his mind. So I had to think......... I knew I approached him the right way, with MONEY. I started it like....so this is the cost for having the baby. (gasp) First ultrasound will be an extra amount, minimal amount, but worth it because this will be the first time we get to see our baby. We really only need to have one, unless you wanted to do a 2nd one...... but that will be 3X more money, to find out the sex, and it's really not necessary.

"Yea, we don't need to do that."

Fewwwww......I lost him at 3X more money and I knew it!!! (sigh) That was the last mention of it....until the realizations of what he agreed to last night. hehehehehe So after some bantering, and pros vs cons ($$$), and some persuasive, I already know it's a boy, because........ I think we settled back on not finding out. Final decision, not worth the extra money.

Whoot Whoot......I have won.......for now!

 17 Weeks

"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for."

~Author Unknown
 

A Prayer For Our Troops

With every mile and every minuet closer we get I can feel my heart pounding faster and faster. I close my eyes to fight off the tears, swallow hard, and take a deep breath. I don't feel like I am crying, but all I can feel on my numb face is the cold tears running down my cheeks. I can't speak, as my jaw is clenched tight trying to maintain a straight face. I can't open my eyes, as I know my tears will cloud my vision. All I can do is Pray......

I Pray that these Men & Women that stand before me arrive at there destination safely.

I Pray that these Troop settle into their "New" - "Temporary" homes with ease.

I Pray that the members of this Squadron going over seas enjoy their tour and this opportunity they have been given to serve our Country.

I Pray that every member of our Military be able to perform to the best of their ability.

I Pray for Strength for the Families left behind, holding down the fort, while our Husbands-Wives-Fathers-Mothers-Sisters-Brothers-Sons-Daughters are away.

I Pray for a safe return for each and every one of our Soldiers.

Dear Lord, 

I Pray for you to consider my own selfish request: and please bring Jesse home in time for this baby to be born. Because God knows I can't do this without him.

In Jesus Name....Amen

 

Looking at Life Through the Eyes of a Child

The advice my daughter just gave 1 year ago:

“Be yourself, be kind, and don't be afraid to try new things!”

So I was Myself, I was Kind, and I did everything I thought was Scary!!!

This lead to the most Incredible High's and the Most Devastating Low's. Through the Up’s & Down’s I learned some of the most amazing lessons that are Priceless.

I have learned that even some of the most important people in your life are not all that you have expected them to be. But reminiscing on the old times is not always a bad thing. Even though it is devastating to look back and remember they way things use to be and know that they will never be that way again, it helps to remind you how happy it made you feel at that time and to know that you…on your own….will be that happy again.

“Holding on to memories sometimes is the only thing we can do, because it’s the memories that will never change even when the people do.”

Forgive Them Even if They are NOT Sorry

You have to forgive people in order to clear them out of your life. Holding a grudge is the Blackness inside all of us. So here is what I forgive:

Blues- I forgive you for not being the person I thought you were. It is not your fault I thought so highly of you and that you could not live up to my expectations. It is not your fault that you were not good enough, you did the best you could, I know that. I am sorry that it wasn’t good enough. You never promised me that you would be who I though you were, you promised me that you would be YOURSELF. You held up your end of the bargain, because you were You, I’m sorry that it wasn’t good enough for Me.

“Not only do I not Love you but I don’t Hate you Anymore!”

I Forgive You!

Let go of the Promises made by people that are only looking out for Themselves.

This is the hardest thing ever, because you swore that nothing would ever come between your friendship, and you both though your friendship could withstand anything. As much as it breaks my heart to not give what I think someone deserves, not everyone deserves what you have to give.

Silence is Deceiving

The silence does not mean that I don’t care, but that I sill care too much. Taking the time that you need is probably the biggest favor you can do for yourself. Walk away Gracefully and keep your Dignity. Trying to fight through the pain will only tear you further apart. You never know if/when happenstance can put you back in each others lives. Even when you know you’ll never want it again…….don’t ruin it. Anger, will ruin the good memories.

Know you Worth

Don’t feel sad over someone who gave up on you, feel sorry for them because they gave up on someone who never would have given up on them. Always give your all and if it is not wanted or respected then don’t waste your time. Someone, somewhere dreams everyday of having what you will give. Never let an ungrateful person ruin who you are and what your about.

People Change

Let people be who they are. It is not fair to hold on to what or who they were if they no longer want to be that person. I had a friend this last year that was, what I though to be the most amazing person in the world. For that season of our Friendship I couldn’t have asked for anything more. We laughed, we cried, we called each other out, we drank wine/drank beer, watched sports, watched movies, talked every day; we were friends, best friends. We brought each other happiness through all of our pain; we had the most amazing/special friendship either of us had ever experienced. I prayed I would have this person in my life forever. After I lost my friend to an out of state move, he no longer was everything he used to be, nor was I. This was to be expected but NEVER, in a million years, did we foresee the challenge that our friendship was about to endure. We fought like hell to try to make it through, but unfortunately, we didn’t have a chance. He no longer wanted to be the person that meant so much to me.  I no longer could support the things he wanted. Through the pain and the tears…..I had to let him change, and I had to let him go.

“The person you were, was my friend. The person you have become, is a complete stranger that I want nothing to do with.”

One thing I have learned is to not let this discredit or take away from the person they were or what they did for you when they were exactly what you needed. Needs and wants will always change, and that’s ok.

Being Right is not Winning

It is not about being right or wrong. Being wrong about someone can be the one of the best things that can happen to you. Being right about something can be one of the most devastating things you will ever experience.  It is about Forgiving and Moving on when the time is right. 

What Kind of Gone

There’s gone for good, and there’s good and gone, and there’s gone with a LONG before it.  After this last year, I don’t know how much more clearer I could be. I am not cooling down nor coming around, we will never be friends, oh and I ain’t coming back! I know you never thought what you’re thinking now…..It’s the kind of gone that says you had your chance and I’m not coming back. Yes, I’m gone for the rest of your dog gone life, so probably a Whiskey night.

So…….

2013

Look out!

I am another year older and another year wiser.

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift. ~Albert Einstein

I Love You Baby Girl……Forever & Ever!



~Life, Love, & Happiness~

During my trip to Brazil in 2009 I was given a Bahia Band.  What are Bahia Bands? They are also known as Brazilian Wish Bracelets, they are a 200 year-old tradition from Brazil. These ribbons of Bonfim are said to bring good luck to those who adhere to the tradition.

This is how they Work: Wrap the Bahia Band around your wrist and tie three knots, making a wish with each knot. When the Bahia Band naturally breaks down and falls off, it is believed that your three wishes will come true.

During conversation with an old friend this Wish Bracelet had become a topic. When remembering that old ratty white bracelet that I had committed to wearing, even through my wedding day, we laughed at how silly it looked and how I had tried to hide it under other jewelry. She then asked me if my 3 wishes had come true. I hung my head and replied “Just look at me!! Does it look like any of my wishes have come true?” We laughed out loud for a minute and then started cracking jokes at each other like friends will do, but didn’t talk about it again.

Later that weekend I realized that I must have forgotten what my 3 wishes were, because looking back now, YES all 3 of them had come true!!

I did not wish for an extended life, nor to live in any particular place with any specific person.  I wished for Life! When I open my eyes and look at the life I have, I have every reason to feel blessed. I am living and breathing every day and am very much alive. Anyone that knows me would say that without a doubt I am living my life to the fullest and enjoying every minute of it.

The love that I had wished for was not specific! There was no condition of love that I was wishing for nor was there any specific person that I had wished to be loved by. I wished for Love! When I look at all the love I have in my heart I realize how fortunate I am. I have so many amazing people in my life that I love and that love me!

Your happiness does not have to be compromised by the bad things that have happened to you. Bad things will always happen to each and every one of us, but that will never mean you have to be unhappy. I have to always remember that without the bad things there would be no good, and without the good I would not have the life I do today! The life I live today makes me happy. I wished for Happiness! 

I guess that I just needed to be reminded of what I had wished for to realize that my 3 wishes had come true! Thank you to my dearest friend that was able to remind me of what I have. Without you I would have continued to forget how amazing my life is, and that my dreams have come true!

When you take the time to see the joy in your life, you can realize that your dreams have come true!

"Learn to appreciate what you have, before time makes you appreciate what you had."

~Unknown

A Reason, A Season, or A Lifetime

5 New Friendships that Have Changed My Life....Forever!

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.  ~Albert Schweitzer

Hills: Girl you CRAZY....I love your ability to act like a fool no matter who is looking! I admire your confidence within yourself and the warmth of your heart. Even if it meant, you were taking one for the team once in a while. You will dance with the ugly guy with no complaints. Epic Friday/Saturday nights, crazy tag lines, oh and PS: Don't forget to get drunk after this!!! hahahahahah :) We are a great trio, I love you girls so much, you have been such a great support system!

Scotty: Oh wow....I really feel for you man! So weird the way you entered my life, took a little getting use to but when she finally broke the news I was so happy for you two. I like to think that I was able to be of some support to you, wether that was by watching what I was going through or the advice I could always dish out. Sorry, but if you want something you gotta go after it, don't let anyone stand in your way. You were always a reminder to me that I wasn't alone in that boat and that no matter what we are all faced with, life goes on and happiness is dead ahead! I wish the best for you, and the happiness that you are working towards!

T-y: Where My Alcoholics At? Well I guess we took one good thing from Riverstone, besides your sweet ass letter opener. (I did not get one BTW) Work sucked but the friendships that developed are worth every minuet! Rita lunches, drinks after work, and the "I QUIT" goodbye parties will never be forgotten. Your friends are crazy, but are always down to have a good time! You can always keep it real and have always cheered me up with a good laugh & a beer. I love how you can bitch like a chick but will always call me out on my shit, and tell me to get over myself and drink up!!!! Thanks again for keeping me in check :)

Jenny & Liv: You 2 have been an amazing addition to our live's! We were typical suburbia neighbors, "I need dryer sheets", "Do you have eggs?", play dates and sending the girls to the park together. I am only a few miles away but Autumn & I miss having you next door so much! The ringing of Autumn's voice shouting through the house "Mom, I'm going to Liv's" has been missed!
I appreciate being able to talk to you and have your support through the last few months. I respect your advice and parenting techniques and am so glad our kids get along so well. I hope that even when you get your house (fingers crossed) and move across town we will continue to be friends! But if you want to stay in our neck of the woods, I'll keep an eye out for houses in my neighborhood ;)

Blue's: All of the years that you have been right under my nose, and I have had no idea. With the people, places, and things that we have in common you would have thought that we have been friends for decades. What a perfect time for you to enter my life. You have been a great reminder of where I came from, and a wonderful distraction to where I was. "God gave me you for the days of doubt" You have always reminded me of the good in my life, and always gave me something to smile about! You never judged me or forced your opinions on me, but you always listened to what I had to say. You have been a great addition to this Season of my life and you have given me so many Reasons to enjoy the ups & downs! You are an amazing person and I thank God for every day you have been in my life.

Another Season of My Life Has Begun ~ Embrace The Change

"No one is in control of your happiness but you;
therefore, you have the power to change anything
about yourself or your life that you want to change."
- Barbara De Angelis

Through the years of ups and downs, screeching halts, and U turns, I have experienced in my life, its time again! I have officially closed the last chapter of my life and I am so anxious to open the next one. Life is never what you expect of it nor what you were ever originally hoping for. One thing I can say without a doubt is that life is what you make of it. I choose not to ever regret the decisions that I have made nor the things I have done. Without every step I have taken in my life (right or wrong), I would not be where I am today! When I reflect back on my life and the places that I have been, I have no choice but to be thankful for where I am now. Through failed relationships, single parenting (and co-parenting), old/new adventures, and new surroundings, I have truly learned so much about myself!

Embracing The Change

Nothing ever stays the same, which is what I love about my life! I live for the adventure of the change and the excitement of walking into the unknown not having a clue of what is to come. Maybe that is the thrill seeker in me, or faith in my heart, but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I am always so amazed at the doors that open after the closing of another, and how the rest of my life is affected by it. There are times that I am truly taken back at the people in my life that just come out of nowhere when I need them the most, especially those that have no idea the Reason they were put in my life, and what they have done for me. Some may never know, but I wish I will have the opportunity to tell them! ~List Item: Tell people what they mean to me.

Each person is in your life for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime.

 

Cheers, To Our New Beginning!